Heather Fillmore Coaching

The Enneagram Nine Childhood Wound

I grew up in a stable, loving family. But I remember as a child feeling like I could disappear and no one would notice for a long time.
Do you remember any similar thoughts or feelings? Do you have those thougths and feelings now, even as an adult?
It comes from your Enneagram 9 childhood wound.

So, what is an Enneagram Childhood Wound?

It’s a hurt that every human experiences as a child that shapes their personality and the way they show up as they grow older. 
Kids don’t understand why grownups don’t know how to meet all their emotional needs. So they develop adaptive strategies from this place of pain.
Every Enneagram type has a different wound unique to the trauma, or unsettling experiences that they had as children. 
Whether it was actual trauma happening, or just the perceptions of the child, these events created imprints in our bodies, and ultimately, specific characteristics and self-defeating beliefs.
As a Type Nine, your childhood wound happened because you sensed that you weren’t being noticed by your caregivers or other authority figures. 
Even though you probably felt deeply connected to their caregivers, somehow you started believing that you can keep the peace by not asserting yourself or adding to the problems around you.
You started believing that it’s best to keep yourself quiet and uninvolved.
This caused you to eventually fall asleep to your own feelings and needs. Your easy, go-with-the-flow, peacemaker demeanor often comes from believing that your presence isn’t important. 
You lower your expectations of yourself and others in order to avoid disappointment.
If nothing is important to you, then your chances of being let down decrease.
So, how does one heal from this childhood wound?
Here are three places to start:
  1. Start becoming a curious, compassionate observer of yourself when you see the effects of this showing up. Notice when you’re disengaging. Notice when you stay quiet in meetings, or avoid conversations that feel threatening. Notice when you are checking out.
  2. Go from your thinking to your sensing self and take note of your sensations, emotions, and impulses. Just let them be there and acknowledge how they took care of your safety, dignity or belonging in the past. Honor them and breathe into them.
  3. Feel into your length, width, and depth and remind yourself that you’re becoming someone who now regards yourself as equally important and able as everyone else.
  4. Once you’ve centered yourself, practice sharing your opinions whenever you get the chance. We are always practicing something, and it takes lots of repetitions to create muscle memory.
With intentional work, humility, and help, all people can heal from their childhood wounding messages.

Healthy Enneagram 9s understand that their sense of peace doesn’t come at the expense of their self-worth. They can involve themselves instead of letting life drift by.

Much of this healing can take place in a group coaching environment. As you listen to other people who have the same wounding receive coaching, you can easily apply it to yourself.

To get real, powerful help with this,  come join me at The Bold Nine Academy.  At The Bold Nine, we practice centering and this new way of being often, and you get to hear it applied to real life situations that happen with actual Nines, which helps tremendously. I’d love to have you join us.


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