Self Appreciation as an Enneagram Nine

I was asked to teach a class to the ladies at my church on Mother’s Day.

The lesson went amazingly well. The women were very engaged and there was a beautiful feeling there throughout our entire hour together.

But as I left, I noticed my brain scanning for all the things that I should have said differently. I had a hard time appreciating myself for the wisdom that I had to share. The way that I engaged everyone. The value that I personally brought to our time together.

One of the ladies sent me a text and told me that the lesson was “so, so good” and as quickly as I read it, my inner critic offered that this friend was just trying to be nice. That I don’t have the ability to facilitate discussions at that level.

Brains are so funny! I had to intentionally remind myself that I, yes, I…really do have the ability to make a difference in people’s lives.

Do you allow self-appreciation into your body? Do you allow yourself to appreciate…you?

Here are Five Points to Consider when you struggle to Appreciate Yourself:

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1. There’s a Difference Between Approval and Appreciation

Approval is externally driven—it’s about seeking permission, validation, and praise.

Appreciation, on the other hand, is internal. It’s a recognition of value simply because you exist.

As a Nine, you might find yourself waiting for others to notice your efforts or affirm your goodness. But appreciation is a practice you can cultivate without anyone else’s input.

You can ask yourself: What do I love about how I show up in the world–even when no one is watching?

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2. Self-Appreciation Is NOT Arrogance

Many Nines worry that appreciating yourself is selfish or prideful. But I want to offer that arrogance and appreciation are opposites.

• Arrogance is rooted in insecurity and comparison.
• Appreciation is grounded in love and equality.

When you appreciate yourself, you aren’t elevating yourself above others—you’re simply joining the human family in wholeness and worth.

Practice: Write a list of 10 things you appreciate about yourself. Not for what you do—but who you are.

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3. Self-Appreciation Leads to Aligned Action

Appreciation is a great motivator! Not in a “push harder” way, but in a “love yourself forward” kind of way.

For Nines, this is key. When we appreciate ourselves, we stop procrastinating or disappearing. We begin showing up—authentically and consistently—because we want to, not because we should.

Try This: Before working on something that feels hard, pause and say: “I appreciate the way I care. I appreciate my peaceful presence. I appreciate the ways I do things in a more grounded way.” Then move forward.

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4. You Can’t Hate Yourself Into Growth

This may be the most powerful truth of all. Criticism doesn’t create change—love does. Nines often think, “If I just try harder” or “If I could be more like ___, I’ll finally measure up.”

But what if you grew from a place of appreciation, not shame?

Reminder: You don’t need to be more valuable than you are right now. You only need to remember that you already are.

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5. Your Influence Grows When You Appreciate Yourself

You can’t fully access your influence if you’re constantly minimizing yourself. The path to your power starts with appreciation.

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Appreciate the intuitive strength that you bring.
Appreciate the compassion that radiates from your heart.
Appreciate the wisdom you carry simply by being fully YOU.

You matter. You don’t need to prove it. You just need to remember it.

With you in this.