Heather Fillmore Coaching

How to Have a Fantastic Birthday

I saw this fun post from an Enneagram 9 Instagram Account that shared “The Best Parts of a Birthday for a Nine.”

Here’s what it listed:

  • feeling permission to ask for what you want and speak your desires
  • feeling loved and special and value
  • a day that’s about you, and that’s expected and Ok
  • kind words and affirmations from friends and family
  • eating favorite foods and special treats
  • being with the people that you love
  • thoughtful gifts and gestures
  • self-care, sleeping in, flowers
  • space to be grateful and reflect on the past yearn

I thought this was a great list. Don’t you agree? All of this would make a fabulous birthday. This list would be perfect for Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, as well.

You could give this list to the people in your life to help them know how to make your day extra special.

But here’s a word of caution, dear friend. If you do it, only do it to help them…not you. You need to drop all expectations of anyone doing any of this for you if you expect the day to feel happy.


Because they are human beings and they may or may not end up delivering. And if you’re expecting it, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and lots of self-pity.

My husband is a 2 and he’s one of the most thoughtful people I know. But he is not the best with birthdays (and I’m not either…our poor kids!)

A couple of years ago we were on a stressful family vacation in an RV when my birthday came along. I was waiting all morning for someone to acknowledge that it was my birthday. It didn’t happen. My brain started offering lots of thoughts about how no one appreciates me, I don’t matter, blah, blah blah. And I started feeling so sad.

But then I remembered something important that I had learned: No one can make me sad. And also, no one can make me feel loved and valued. They can try. They can do and say all the things, but I’m the one who makes me feel loved and valued…with MY thoughts. And I just decided to make it amazing for myself.

“Guess what day it is, kids? It’s my BIRTHDAY!!”

Of course, my husband felt horrible and apologized a million times. Haha. Honestly, I didn’t blame him. We were in survival mode with our kids packed into a motor home trying to get around crowded Yellowstone.

But I remembered how awful I feel when I’m in a victim state, and that I’m the one who would have to change my thinking if I wanted to feel loved and appreciated.

So I did. I just quit indulging in self-pity (yes, self-pity is an indulgent emotion) and I decided to focus on other things.

I’m going to take the list from above and revamp it a bit.

Here’s how you have an amazing birthday, Mother’s Day or Father’s Day as a Nine, no matter what anyone does for you:

  • you give yourself permission to ask for what you want and you speak your desires… with ZERO expectations of people delivering.
  • you just decide that you’re loved, special, and valued (You get to believe whatever you want to believe!!)
  • you make it a day that’s about you without depending on others: spoil yourself!
  • Speak kind words and affirmations from you to you.
  • eat your favorite foods and special treats. Order them from Doordash if you want to.
  • schedule time with those you love. Don’t expect others to do it
  • give yourself thoughtful gifts and gestures. What have you always wanted? Buy it!
  • self-care, sleeping in, flowers (order them yourself)
  • Take time to write about how grateful you are and reflect on the past year

Anything that anyone else does for you is just icing on the cake! So enjoy it to it’s fullest

Emotional adulthood is a process. Know that days of self-pity will happen because you’re a human with a human brain. Allow the emotions. Give yourself lots of grace. Then when you’re ready to celebrate, go for it! You deserve it all, my friend.

Take advantage of The Bold Nine Academy so I can help you make EVERY day a celebration!


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